I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
