Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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