We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Randomize
