apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
