marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
