I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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