I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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