My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
