I wish I could punch you in the face.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I wish they made helmets for livers.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
