somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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