ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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