we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
