How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
