You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
