Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
