i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
