I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
