This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
