That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
