Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
you had me at cake vodka
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize