Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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