omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize