my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
