You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
