just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
