I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
