I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
