i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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