Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
