i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
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