I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
