Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
