I'll bet she douches with gravy.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
