Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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