isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
