grandma shit on top of the toilet
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
