my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
