bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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