This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
