Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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