im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
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