Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
