I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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