Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
