I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy