she was so not down for the gang bang
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
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Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
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I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit