I think I won the penis lottery.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
