Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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