From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
