well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
