party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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