I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i believe in u and ur pee
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
