..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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