1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
