when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
