The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
