He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
