dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
