Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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