Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
