Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
