I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize