we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
