Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
