I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
