She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
