you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
