please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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