I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
