I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
