I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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