More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Everyone says I win the strip club
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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