I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
