Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
