don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
