why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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