just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
