i jhust puked up my retainher.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
