JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
