So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
