R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
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