I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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